Have fun...

Great many things have been said about the wonders of CRM: it will bring com-panies closer to the customers; it will help companies to align their strategies with actual needs; it will save the world (ok, I have heard that only once); and so on.

But have you wondered how the world will be, if CRM systems REALLY deliver what they promise?


Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza R Us. May I have your..."

Customer: "Haloo, can I order..."

Operator : "Can I have your Pizza Loyalty number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh...hold on...6102049998...dash...45...dash...54610"

Operator : "OK...you're...Mr Lo Ser and you're calling from 21, Portland Street. Your home number is 24662424, your office 7645 2302 and your mobile is 9266 2566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"

Operator : "We are connected to the Pizza Loyalty system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir."

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir."

Customer: "What? [GASP]...What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Char Siew Pizza. You'll like it..."

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Char Siew Dishes" from the Central Library last week Sir."

Customer: "OK I give up...Give me three family sized ones then, how much will that cost?

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is 400 dollars..."

Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you're owing your bank 16,720 dollars since October last year."

Customer: "What!!"

Operator : "That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today."

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can' t wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."

Customer: "How do you know....never mind!"

Operator : "According to the details in your Pizza Loyalty, you own a Suzuki Scooter...registration number YOB 1123..."

Customer: "@$#%%#@!" [Translation]

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Silence]

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing...by the way...aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic..."

well i guess that was not original.

where i live all the pizza places know who you are & where you live because of caller id.

Gee, Privacy is a thing of the past ;)...