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Thread: The DBA Song

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Mumbai, India

    The DBA Song

    check it out and hum it to the tunes of hotel California

    Late at night at the office, Iím the only one there
    Many new tasks to get done, lots of things to repair.
    While setting up some table grants, to keep security tight
    My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
    I want to stop for the night
    There it was on the display;
    A piece of query hell
    And I was thinking to myself
    Letís give up Oracle and just go Excel
    But I made a new index, and I started to pray
    For an ending to the query war,
    That it would end todayÖ

    Welcome to the life of DB Admins
    Fix the database
    At an urgent pace
    Always at work in the life of DB Admins
    Any time of year, you will find us here.

    Their queries donít use indexes, and the, where clause never ends (uh)
    They got a lot of inefficient joins no DBA recommends.
    How they fill up the ORDER BY, disk sorts galore
    And then for no reason, they add even more.
    So I grow the PGA
    Hoping sorts will decline
    But then I have to free up some more RAM from my well planned design
    And now thereís more full table scans, tons more each day.
    With every new line of code that they write
    I feel more dismay.

    Welcome to the life of DB Admins
    Fix the database
    At an urgent pace
    Living to work in the life of DB Admins
    What a nice surprise, loads are on the riseÖ.

    CBO is reeling,
    Gathered stats once or twice
    And I thought, Ďmaybe I should just query for some DB_CACHE_ADVICE,í
    Or Iíll add a new MView,
    Hints are last but not least
    Iíll do anything I can do
    Until disk reads have all ceased.
    Last thing I remember, I was
    Looking to explore
    A way to get the whole server
    Off the rack to smash to the floor
    ĎRelax,í said my manager,
    Though the code does make you grieve.
    You still have a lot of work to do,
    Get it done or youíll never leave!
    There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks...

    Unix is user friendly. It's just very particular about who it's friends are.

    Oracle DBA

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Pittsburgh, PA
    "Letís give up Oracle and just go Excel"

    As the saying goes, keep your day job!
    this space intentionally left blank

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