I had to share this as no one else here thinks its funny

I searched for "calculate parse cost oracle" in google and the summary for the top hit cracked me up

here you go (just incase you get different hits)

AskTom "Why is cost based optimizer behaving poo..."
... current rows -----
Parse 108 0.07 ... event to calculate the value of ... the relative cost of ...

the actual page is here